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Pirates 5 Review

What I liked: By far the best part of this movie is the zombie sharks. Undead vengeful pirates? I've seen those before. At the rate this franchise burns through them I think they must have gotten them at a wholesale closeout bargain. But zombie sharks, those are new. If they didn't smell so bad I bet more people would use them. I also liked the ghost pirate ship that ate other ships. It kind of looked exactly like this bug. I was impressed by the structural integrity of the bank at the beginning. Clearly the foundation was poorly constructed but whoever was responsible for the walls did a phenomenal job. I liked the visuals of the island of stars. There was a scene involving a revolving guillotine which had some funny imagery. Admittedly nothing about that sentence sounds amusing, but just trust me.

What I didn't: I went to see this movie with friends and had pretty low expectations for the 5th installment of a film franchise based on a 15 minute ride. My low expectations were about right. Jack Sparrow was even drunker and weirder than in the other movies. Everyone except Jack and Barbosa have moved on with their lives as actors, so there were new people filling in the familiar formula roles. Even though the plot of 2 and 3 was not great the dynamic of the characters gave both films some good moments. Without our odd pirate lineup we are left with a fairly unremarkable plot with little to distract us besides zombie sharks (which are pretty good). The British navy was involved somehow, I'm not really sure how. They just kept appearing. But as far as I could tell they completely dispensable to the plot. But the navy was in good company with several other odd and apparently dispensable vinnettes. Kind of like when I am busting out a quick draft and just keep typing even when my ideas are crazy and not at all on topic. Speaking of which I'm not entirely clear on what the overall plan was. This time the undead pirates seem to be just generally vindictive. Yes, some of their pirating is directed at Jack Sparrow but they have been doing the ghosty pirate thing for like 40 some years before they come after him. Why? we don't really know. For a movie that spends an inordinate amount of time on exposition of backstories we never really figure this bit out. I just feel like I would need some kind of motivation to be an eternally murderous pirate. Doesn't it get old after a while chasing down ships on the high seas? Why not kick back and start a dead pirate volleyball league or some group therapy sessions of the many many undead pirates wandering around the mid Atlantic?

Who should watch this? Anyone who needs more undead pirates in their life, you can find the zombie sharks on youtube.

Would I watch it again? No, not great.
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