Jurassic Park V Review (Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom)

What I liked: There was a lot to like about this movie, mostly owing to the fact that it starred a lot of dinosaurs. I mean we got dinosaurs and a volcano, what else could you want in life? I liked the variety of dinosaurs that we got to see. There was the dinosaur with a nose the perfect size to fit in a fire escape. There was the dinosaur that seemed to be living in a sealed tunnel. There was the dinosaur that plays possum and the dinosaur that is brand new and some dinosaurs from Australia. I really liked the scene with the dinosaurs running from the volcano. I kind of wish this was the whole movie. The lava was fast, the dinosaurs were fast, and shockingly the people were just as fast. I was particularly impressed that while running from lava, the dinosaurs took the time to try to eat the people and each other. It was also fortunate that the clouds of ash did not instantly Pompeii the dinosaurs. The dinosaur evacuation was a very impressive feat. I really want to know how they got the very upset dinosaurs into helicopter harnesses. I would also like to know how they fit the big sauropod into the boat. I'm sure everyone will be glad to know the limb motif from the original Jurassic park is back. We have arms and legs hanging out just to make sure we know the dinosaur ate something. Another good thing back from the original is the music, one of my favorite theme songs, and now we have it in every key so you can play minor dinosaur music when you are feeling sad. I can't decide if I should be deeply impressed or profoundly concerned with the construction of the mansion. The library roof is a masterpiece of engineering for its stability, but the basement seems particularly unstable. And how is there a loading dock in the sub sub sub basement? Why would you install a dumbwaiter that goes to every floor including the very secret sub sub sub basement. I also feel like there are some major security flaws in the mansion. You know, besides the dinosaurs. I do have to acknowledge that this Jurassic Park tries to ask real questions about implications of the dinosaur science. In that it does try and reach beyond what the other Jurassic park sequels have done. It would have been more successful at posing those questions if the plan were not so deeply flawed.

What I didn't: Let's start with the most glaring problem with the "let's save the dinosaurs from extinction" plan. The dinosaurs are specifically designed to not reproduce. Yes I'm aware of the famous "Life finds a way" concept, but it will be particularly hard pressed because the people seem to only plan on saving one of each species. Now I know boat space is limited, but Noah worked it out and so can you. Speaking of Noah the lone dinosaur is sad. Overly dramatic. But sad. Anyway the plan would have more traction if the dinosaurs were not intended for extinction since their creation. And since they can make dinosaurs at any time, probably the most efficient way to save all the dinosaurs would be to save the one freezer with the dinosaur samples in it. Unless the sequences have already been digitized. Then you don't even have to go to the island at all. If you are going to go to Jurassic park with a terrible terrible plan, don't go during a storm. I thought we had all already learned that. Also while you are there do not open the largest doors. Those doors should remain closed. Go through the cute person sized doors. And close them behind you. Having sent expeditions to this island 4 times before this, you should really stock some guns with dinosaur stopping caliber. Bad guys should really work out their priorities. If they are willing to callously murder people that should probably extend to main characters. I didn't like the sidekicks, they were just too caricatured. They each had some good lines but didn't really add anything. I wish there had been more practical effects. I was hoping for a bit more dinosaur trivia in the movie. There was one moment when a businessman is listing off dinosaur specifications like length, weight and number of teeth. I was really hoping we were in for a several minute curtain call for each dinosaur. Kind of like a Nova segment, but with better background music. Sadly, we only got details on one dinosaur, and it wasn't even one of the leads. Also not only do we not know the dinosaur facts, but the makers of the movie don't know the dinosaur facts. Like dinosaurs can swim and my favorite example: the mosasaur. A mosasaur is supposed to be about 50 feet long, so about the size of a school bus or an average helicopter. Giant and terrifying. Now look at this promotional picture of a mosasaur. I may not have taken comparative anatomy, but I have an inkling that if you are the size of a helicopter, your mouth cannot also be the size of a helicopter. Unless you are a sarcastic fringehead (freaky looking fish. Look it up I'll wait). The writers may also have some understanding gaps when it comes to blood transfusions and genetics. I am left the film with a number of unanswered questions. Why do they have a giant vat of cyanide? Couldn't cyanide be detrimental to things besides dinosaurs, like maybe people? Where was the coastguard? Since Jurassic Park II the whole dinosaur thing should really be on their radar. Literally. Why do people keep climbing in cages with dinosaurs? To quote another Jurassic Park "that is the worst idea in the long sad history of bad ideas". Why would anyone ever assume a dinosaur is dead? Who is Iris? Where is Iris? And one better, Why is Iris? Finally, now knowing that Farmer Hoggett was one of the master minds of Jurassic Park I have a lot of unanswered questions about Babe.

Who should watch this? People who love dinosaurs, people who love volcanoes, people who love watching dinosaurs run from volcanoes.

Would I watch it again? I will probably watch the dinosaur running scene several times.