Jurassic World: Dominion (Jurassic Park 6)

What I liked: For too long dinosaurs have been restricted to only a very specific subgenre of films. Jurassic World: Dominion seeks to rectify the situation by introducing dinosaurs into all types of film at once. Spy thriller? We have assassin dinosaurs and excessive, unnecessary globe hopping. Family drama? I give you the quaint ranch complete with dinos dozing in the logging encampment and neighbor dinosaurs. Heist? We have dino smuggling, dinosaur black market, and breaking into secret dinosaur labs. Monster Movie" We've got giant dinosaurs squaring off to battle. Natural disaster? It's a long story but we've got dinosaurs being pelted with flaming duck sized grasshoppers and world famine, again related to the duck sized grasshoppers. No, I know that doesn't sound like a natural disaster but trust me. Romance? There are kisses. Nature documentary? Beautiful shots of dinosaurs living peacefully with non-dinosaur animals. It's like the creative team sat down to brainstorm what the coolest dinosaur scenes would be and just decided to keep them all. I liked the ice busting velociraptor and the flaming tornado of duck grasshoppers. The therizinosaur, as the only therapod herbavore, was a fun addition to the dinosaur collection. After its introduction it was immediately clear that the movie makers are great fans of the ARK computer game because this therizinosaur behaved just like the ARK therizinosaur. I like that the evil corporation uses the subway tubes to murder people enough that there are just skulls as casual decor and dimitrodons hanging out waiting for their next snack. Apparently the chance of getting a snack exceeds the chance of getting hit by a subway if you're hanging out in the subway tunnel. I liked that after 30 years someone finally had the good idea to shoot a grenade at a giant carnivore. I also liked Dr. Malcom doing up his button. 

What I didn't: So item one. At the end  of the previous movie the dinosaur island has been blown up by a volcano. They said there were 20 dinosaur species that were stolen from the island by the evil dinosaur auction people. Even if we generously say they took 10 of each kind of dinosaur, that's ~200 dinosaurs of 20 varieties. Now, 4 years later there are dinosaurs running amok around the world and dinosaurs of varieties we haven't seen before. It seems like it would be fairly easy to track down 200 rouge dinosaurs after the initial dino prison break and even if you missed a few they probably don't breed quickly enough to have absurd numbers of dinosaurs getting smuggled around the world. Also it seems like if your number one problem with dinosaurs is them running amok and eating people around the world, it would be really bad press to make more kinds of toothier dinosaur. And if you are in the business of making gianter toothier dinosaurs and suddenly there are mystery duck sized grasshoppers, you should probably expect people to ask some questions about what connection you have to the duck grasshoppers. I do wonder why more dinosaur deterent approaches have not been taken in the 30 years since the initial dinosaur attacks and the 4 years since wide spread dinosaurs. Like yes the dinosaurs can open dooors with lever handles, why don't all doors have doorknobs now? Or in subways they have those little cubbies that maintenance people can run to in case a train comes, why not have little hiding from dinosaur cubbies easily accessible in dinosaur prone areas? Or why are you using tasers on dinosaurs instead of shooting them with grenades? Or if you have built dinosaur bunkers why not make sure that they can withstand the attack of a dinosaur? You know make sure the cage around the ladder isn't bite crushable and the windows can't be shattered by a dinosaur attack. And why has no one in the world installed automatic back up generators? When you put every dinosaur you have in the same football stadium, do you have a plan for them not eating eachother and everything else in that stadium? Also are you just gonna leave them there or there some way of getting them back out? Because if not why did you even put them there to begin with? And did you just forget to put the mindcontrol chips in the dimetrodons and dilophosaurs? I am suspicious that immediately after the we need to live in harmony inspiring shots the pterasaurs ate the geese and the mosasaur attacked the entire pod of whales. Finally, I think they fundamentally did not get the message of Jurassic Park and Ian Malcom shifted from a hip intuitive and very right scientist to...well...the Grandmaster from Thor. 

Who should watch this? People hoping to see about 50 independent cool dinosaur scenes and who are not overly particular about the cool dinosaur shots needing a plot. 

Would I watch it again? The best part of this movie was that I got to watch the original Jurassic Park as the first half of the double feature. I will definitely continue watching Jurassic Park.